A Love Story

I wish I would have met you sooner had I known how much you would change me. You gave me life and a new perspective on the world, something I never knew existed at such a level.

You were a challenge from the start; to learn your characteristics, your methods, and your tiny quirks, yet you still challenge me every day as I continue to learn, grow, and progress with you.

You have granted me the most intense heartbreak, consuming joy, and emotion filled days, nights, and years that could never hold a price.

We have been many places together, experiencing some of the most breath-taking views, adrenaline-filled nights and heart-stopping moments.

You have never failed me, never broken, never waivered; but I have misunderstood you, failed to trust you, or doubted myself with you. But those moments have to lead to growth.

Your artistry and refinement are systemic as you bend ever so delicately, yet maintaining intense strength and power.

As my hand grips around you, I pull you ever so slowly to me, and hold on just for a moment before the most perfect release. The rush of the flight is a spectacle to witness day or night as it collides in pure exquisite elegance.

Through you I see things differently, more focused and aligned, diminishing all the outside world and for that I am forever grateful.

Happy Valentines Day to my love...my beautiful bow!

Grounded & Free

 

 

The roots are home, the roots are it's home, the roots are my home, my foundation, strong yet flexible. They pulse in the ground like a heartbeat. Stronghold. Growing deeper everyday, spreading underground yet no one sees their beauty, the inner strength that so many overlook, pass up or stomp on. The roots are home & where the souls were born, created & grounded. I am rooted like the tree yet my inner strength is hidden, buried deep inside. Push the tree, push me, but never fail to understand where the true strength comes from; not the bark, the limbs or the leaves. The roots, holding tight to the ground, growing stronger and deeper every day.

The sap filling up inside for the days when the roots are holding strong but emotion escapes through the tiny crevices. The sap that slowly comes out when it cries reveals a sweet and vulnerable side; it is not usually seen from afar but only by those who seek a close inspection, to embrace it's emotion & even collect or wipe away the residue. It cannot hide forever, it must release & show its true beauty of what it holds.

The thorns are always there but covered with leaves, flowers, and hidden; woven and intertwined throughout its beauty. The thorns are a defense that will strike when necessary, guard, protect, hurt and punish. Get too close and the pain will be inflicted if ill intentions are witnessed. If genuine interest & handled with care the thorns are strong, perfectly formed, precise, and add to the strength and beauty of the tree.

The beans or fruit produced reveal a nurturing side to give sustenance, a mothering instinct to provide to those who call it home, even in passing for a quick replenishing morsel. Patience is required for a taste but wait too long and the fruit will sour, drop, spoil & ruin those who seek its nourishment. Timing is paramount to feast and requires attention and delicate care.

The layers of bark build a strong barrier, holding in the sap and tender new skin. Weathering through all storms, punishing heat, and frigid cold, the bark will hold fast and strong. It's surface will change, take a beating, scar, warp, and peel but it will protect. Sometimes it will peel and remove old wounds to regrow a more powerful covering only to build stronger everyday.

It bends but won't break. The limbs and leaves will sway in the wind, slightly giving in to the storm. But it knows it's only doing what is necessary because this too shall pass. Leaves may be lost, bark may be damaged, roots could be tested, but it holds strong to its foundation only wavering slightly on the outside; just enough to keep moving but always returning to its natural position.

The sound of the breeze whistling through the leaves. It screams, it whispers, it infuriates and calms. Sometimes it cries out from the constant battering of the wind when the surface is being attacked. The leaves flutter and fall to the ground signaling a release of anything weak or void. It will regrow, prosper and build stronger and more beautiful and bountiful than before.

Each season brings a new challenge and change. The fall is a true spectacle to be seen as it shows off its personality with vibrant colors and shades of beauty. It puts on a show just before the next season. The winter is cold as it stands barren but strong. The snow and ice is heavy and burdensome but it shows no regret. It will survive & regrow when nurturing returns.

The spring is a time of rebirth; as water and nourishment returns it grasps at every ounce. The birds return to their homes and bring life and music to the tree as it drinks up all it will need to produce and stand ready for the heat. The scorching heat of the summer will test it again, but it has prepared for it, tested itself, and stored what is needed to make it through. Although tired, it will provide a cool place for those weary souls to rest and rejuvenate in a way only a tree can provide.

Grounded and free I will always be.

Heals and Haunts

I mentioned in my previous blog “Baby Brows ‘Bout Time Buck” (http://camocandace.blogspot.com/2014/10/baby-brows-bout-time-buck.html) that I was working on a more ‘poetic’ version of the extreme emotional response to taking this buck…but to understand the highs, the lows must also be felt. In honor of the pure unfiltered bliss and bluster a hunter’s journey travels through I present this…I hope you can relate. 

  

Hunting; a consuming love triangle between me, my mind and the woods where learning how to fail is a staple of the journey.  It is a sickness that heals and haunts me, that brings me to the peak of my being and plunges to the depths of my soul. 

Before reaching a culmination of supreme perfection I press my face against the foundation of rock bottom where the cold, hard reality of heartbreak in the woods exists. Unfortunately this is not truly failure but a necessary moment each must turn and face at some point; however, in my mind and many like it, these are logged as failures long before a retrospective view is forced that ultimately leads to another scratch on the experience tree. There are moments where the bridge is burned solely to force a turnaround to face what you may have been avoiding or failed to see.

There goes my heart falling, falling, falling to the chasm created inside from a mistake, a misstep, or an uncontrollable moment only Mother Nature could create. When it hits, it hurts. It wrenches inside a pain that burns me, crushes confidence, ignites doubts, and envelops every thought. The world stops as a glimmer of self-pity sneaks in and weakness threatens to haunt me. I stagger and stumble through my mind in a cloud of disbelief, ambiguity, and empathy for any affected by this moment. It is a battle; it is hell on my mind, body and soul. Words cannot rectify it, comfort is out of reach and it is my solo internal struggle. Time, determination, dedication, and the inability to deny the fibers of my being will regenerate me and harmony will be restored; even if only briefly to carry on to witness the perfect moment we all seek. Unfortunately the return to heartbreak is nearly inevitable but it is the challenge, the moments, and the indescribable feelings inside that will always bring me back.

 After pure suffering through the dark moments of defeat, there comes a light that will shine brighter than ever before and blind the doubt that existed in my mind. With success comes renewed ambition, promise and confidence that the path I am on is deserved, honest, and merited. A successful shot is followed by a complete adrenaline release, uncontrollable shaking, tears, and a constant replay of the matter at hand. If the reward does not fall within sight all elation is stifled, just barely, by questionable ambivalence teetering on the brink of insanity followed by prayer. My heart is on the line, living in danger. Yes, no, good, bad, what if, please Lord.

But when that moment of confirmation arrives there is nothing, I mean nothing that can contain the passion, intensity and spirit of seeing the animal down. Typically I freeze in disbelief as my heart leaves my body and soars to the Heavens with gratitude and the tears continue to drain all logic from my mind leaving only emotion. It is raw, pure, unfiltered euphoria; a high like no other. As I move to feel the concrete evidence of my success and sustenance, the smile spread across my face can be seen for miles and is broken up with intervals of laughter as enthusiasm continues to exude from my body; in all forms of tears, laughter, dance, and embrace I am there in that moment and nowhere else. It, all of it, has come together. Perseverance, affliction, endless days and nights, Mother Nature, the intellectual warfare, physical complaints, and barraging battles unique to their own, all have collided in that moment and it cannot and will not be taken away…at least until the next meeting with the foundation of rock bottom starts its vicious cycle again.

It heals and it haunts…