Grounded & Free

 

 

The roots are home, the roots are it's home, the roots are my home, my foundation, strong yet flexible. They pulse in the ground like a heartbeat. Stronghold. Growing deeper everyday, spreading underground yet no one sees their beauty, the inner strength that so many overlook, pass up or stomp on. The roots are home & where the souls were born, created & grounded. I am rooted like the tree yet my inner strength is hidden, buried deep inside. Push the tree, push me, but never fail to understand where the true strength comes from; not the bark, the limbs or the leaves. The roots, holding tight to the ground, growing stronger and deeper every day.

The sap filling up inside for the days when the roots are holding strong but emotion escapes through the tiny crevices. The sap that slowly comes out when it cries reveals a sweet and vulnerable side; it is not usually seen from afar but only by those who seek a close inspection, to embrace it's emotion & even collect or wipe away the residue. It cannot hide forever, it must release & show its true beauty of what it holds.

The thorns are always there but covered with leaves, flowers, and hidden; woven and intertwined throughout its beauty. The thorns are a defense that will strike when necessary, guard, protect, hurt and punish. Get too close and the pain will be inflicted if ill intentions are witnessed. If genuine interest & handled with care the thorns are strong, perfectly formed, precise, and add to the strength and beauty of the tree.

The beans or fruit produced reveal a nurturing side to give sustenance, a mothering instinct to provide to those who call it home, even in passing for a quick replenishing morsel. Patience is required for a taste but wait too long and the fruit will sour, drop, spoil & ruin those who seek its nourishment. Timing is paramount to feast and requires attention and delicate care.

The layers of bark build a strong barrier, holding in the sap and tender new skin. Weathering through all storms, punishing heat, and frigid cold, the bark will hold fast and strong. It's surface will change, take a beating, scar, warp, and peel but it will protect. Sometimes it will peel and remove old wounds to regrow a more powerful covering only to build stronger everyday.

It bends but won't break. The limbs and leaves will sway in the wind, slightly giving in to the storm. But it knows it's only doing what is necessary because this too shall pass. Leaves may be lost, bark may be damaged, roots could be tested, but it holds strong to its foundation only wavering slightly on the outside; just enough to keep moving but always returning to its natural position.

The sound of the breeze whistling through the leaves. It screams, it whispers, it infuriates and calms. Sometimes it cries out from the constant battering of the wind when the surface is being attacked. The leaves flutter and fall to the ground signaling a release of anything weak or void. It will regrow, prosper and build stronger and more beautiful and bountiful than before.

Each season brings a new challenge and change. The fall is a true spectacle to be seen as it shows off its personality with vibrant colors and shades of beauty. It puts on a show just before the next season. The winter is cold as it stands barren but strong. The snow and ice is heavy and burdensome but it shows no regret. It will survive & regrow when nurturing returns.

The spring is a time of rebirth; as water and nourishment returns it grasps at every ounce. The birds return to their homes and bring life and music to the tree as it drinks up all it will need to produce and stand ready for the heat. The scorching heat of the summer will test it again, but it has prepared for it, tested itself, and stored what is needed to make it through. Although tired, it will provide a cool place for those weary souls to rest and rejuvenate in a way only a tree can provide.

Grounded and free I will always be.

Dear Wild West Texas

After visiting West Texas in 2013 I wrote this on my cell phone in a few short minutes driving back home (well I wasn't driving haha) It had such an effect on me the words just spilled out into this. It is one of my favorites. My fav paragraph is marked with **Asterisks**

 

 

Dear Wild West Texas,

I have hunted the Heart of the Hill Country & the Soul of South Texas but only passed through your land out west. You have a personality all its own that has stood the test of time, ignores the progression of technology, and has touched a piece of my soul. You, Wild West Texas, have been a blessed adventure I will never forget. 

 

I found you 50 miles from the nearest anything, with no cell phone service, a single radio station of AM only, and the only traffic traveling your roads were tire testers. Your dust has filled my nose, my eyes, and my teeth; not to mention my gear but I am thankful for your unforgiving nature. Your rocky, steep mountains and hills tested my steps but provided breathtaking views. Your canyons and draws showed off your beauty and serenity, a stark green contrast to the monotone pallet of dust, dirt, & rock. 

 

Oh Wild West Texas you are so stubborn but yet so inviting. When you showed me your sparse water I was thankful and you were gracious enough to allow animals to drink and survive. I can feel your intensity in the dryness of my hands and chapped lips but feel your softness in the fur of the rams & sheep who call you home. 

 

Thank you for revealing yourself to me in the people who live life a little slower, spend their entire day outside, work hard, are gracious for the important things in life and love every bit of it. Seeing children outside from sun up to sun down only emphasizes your true beauty and tradition and reminds me of why I want to be in the field as much as possible. 

 

Your Wild spirit captured my heart and secured a place in it. You unveiled unique animals to me I have never seen up close including Texas Dahl, Corsican Rams, & Barbado’s. You also produced Axis deer, hogs, whitetail deer, turkey, and red stag, all free roaming, unfenced and wild. You provided unlimited predators and varmints including over 10 foxes we were able to call in. As I heard them bark I said Thank You for such an open area to see and hear them. 

 

**Wild West Texas, you slowed down even more at night and wrapped your arms around me with your endless sky, countless stars, and a silence so loud it was deafening. You are a contradiction that many will never understand. From afar you are a vast, empty, endless area of rugged land that is stifling, uncomfortable, and almost painful; up close, however, as I stood in the middle of nowhere, it is your somewhere that makes me believe, adore, and love you.**

 

Although you did not provide an opportunity to harvest an animal with my bow, you did present them to be taken with a gun; I however passed on that opportunity and instead soaked up your beauty and saw things to add to my scrapbook of memories in my heart and head. I saw two gorgeous lambs that were so pregnant they could barely walk; a piece of me was hoping to witness their birth in the middle of the wild. It would have been an exquisite moment to be there and watch the circle of life from 15 yards away in my ground blind. Even though a birth didn’t happen I saw the love of a mother in nature and I am content. I know, however, that you my friend will be there to nurture them and raise them.

 

Finally Wild West Texas, you have unlocked a piece of my soul and opened my eyes to another unique place to hunt, a place to love for what it is; an unforgiving land that forces you to respect its beauty of endless skies, mountains, and rock bluffs. I hope you will remain untouched by the destruction of the city and technology; do not let it change you, but rather change the minds of those who only see you from afar. Stay Wild my West Texas friend, ill see you again soon! 

Sincerely, 

A Huntress with a Wild Heart

 

A Dandy Dirty Doe

2015 started off with a trip to Deep South Texas for a hunting trip with some friends. We had hunted this part of Texas before but never this exact spot so we took 4 pop-up blinds to help keep us mobile for changing deer patterns. Most of the set-ups already there were for rifle hunting so we needed to be prepared. The forecast was for rain, rain, cold, and more rain.

On New Year’s Eve we made our way south nearing the Texas/Mexico border; the rain had made the roads extremely sloppy and our trip took a nasty turn when our truck and flatbed trailer with the Gator on it slid off the road into a small ditch. It was a mess. We had to unload the Gator to use it to pull the truck and trailer out of the hole, all while it was 36 degrees and raining. Needless to say after a lot of messy, muddy work we finally made it to deer camp, completely soaked and covered in mud, but still excited to hunt.

 

The next morning we headed out to scout a few spots for blinds and found a some senderos that looked promising. After a few hunts with no success we moved one of the blinds to a sendero with a feeder on it. The brush in South Texas is extremely thick leaving only small roads or senderos to hunt, therefore baiting is almost necessary. Regardless of hunting over bait, this wasn’t going to be an easy task. We set up the ground blind in the new spot and brushed it in completely. I knew these deer were going to notice this new “bush” in the road but had to take my chances; leaving only a tiny opening for a shooting window I had to be as concealed as possible knowing these deer would be on high alert. I was 30 yards from the feeder and we had thrown out more corn in the road to help.

As I watched birds scurry about it was 5:15pm when I saw a very large doe step out into the road 17 yards away. The brush is so thick you cannot see the deer walking toward you or if they are in your area unless you are elevated in a blind rifle hunting. The trees aren’t tall enough to put stands in to bow hunt out of but the brush is just high enough to cover the heads of deer. The windows of opportunity bow hunting here were slim. As she stepped out, she immediately looked at my brushed-in blind and walked back in the brush. My heart started racing because for the brief moment I saw the front legs and chest of this doe, I knew she was a big, mature doe and was ready. I steadied my bow and waited for her to calm down and hopefully make a return appearance.

 

As I tried to calm my breathing and nerves she came back out into the road and headed to the corn. I decided to give her a little time to get comfortable (animals are always more alert when eating) before I took the shot. She finally turned completely broadside as I drew and released. I saw my arrow fall out the other side of her as she darted into the thick brush. I was shaking and just knew I had made a good shot. As I went to nock another arrow my heart sank. A bobcat crossed the road and stopped for a brief second (not long enough to get my bow drawn again) and headed in the direction of my doe.

 

Just my luck. (I have mentioned before that I have never shot and recovered a deer while bow hunting during a morning hunt. All of my kills have been afternoon or evening hunts where tracking and recovery is usually after dark or at dusk). It was raining, foggy, only 45 minutes until dark, and a bobcat was traveling in the same direction as my doe. So I prayed. Then I text my husband and a few friends to pray for a quick expiration and hope that the bobcat didn’t run my doe into another county or start destroying her. I was torn between going to search for her and keep the bobcat off of her or wait the full 30 minutes. I compromised instead.

 

I exited the blind quietly to check the impact site and arrow for blood to determine my shot. There was blood where I had hit her and my arrow had bubbly blood on it. I had a feeling she probably ducked a little when I shot and hit lungs instead of heart but I was confident after seeing the arrow and blood at impact site as well as blood on the cactus right on the edge of the road. I sat back in the blind and prayed again that the rain wouldn’t wash away the blood and this would be a quick recovery. I waited about 25 minutes and decided to go look before I lost light.

 

I only took my pistol because the brush was so thick I was going to be crawling on hands and knees and didn’t want my string getting cut by cactus, mesquite thorns, and everything else that sticks and stabs. I knew I had to be ready to shoot a bobcat that might have started his dinner on my doe and possibly recruited others. The tracking process was about 15 minutes, mostly because getting through the brush was so thick and the blood was deceiving because of the rain. I was alone because my husband was still hunting and I didn’t want him to miss an opportunity but I knew I couldn’t wait for him.

There she was, about 50 yards from where I had shot her. I could see her, but couldn’t immediately get to her because of the brush. I looked around for a hungry kitty cat but was relieved when I was alone. My eyes began to fill with tears and I tried to jump up and down and do my victory dance but the brush was so thick I cut myself on some thorns and stuck myself with cactus instead (well worth it).

I finally made my way to her and realized since I had been crawling and finding ways through the brush tracking blood, I wasn’t exactly sure where I was anymore or how close to the road I was. I tried to drag her but without my game hauler I wasn’t going to get far. Light was fading fast and the rain was steady; I had 3 flashlights with me (red, white, and green) so I left the white light with the doe pointing upward for a marker and attempted to make my way back to the road. My husband and friend were now on their way to me and somehow I made a quick exit to the road, pushing through thick brush getting cut up more. When I saw them walking towards me I ran to my husband crying and laughing with excitement and we embraced for that amazing moment we live for.

 

As we walked the road we found my white light and realized she was only about 15 yards from the road! We recovered her and headed back to camp to weigh the big girl. She was 130 pounds of beautiful venison, although completely soaked and covered in mud. I know that may not seem like a big deer to my Northern friends but in the Texas Hill Country a big doe is 90 pounds making this southern girl a fatty! She was my biggest doe taken with a bow and I was ecstatic to share another hunting moment with my husband and great friends. We were so blessed to hunt on their ranch and leave with an ice chest full of meat! That was one dandy dirty doe!

I also stayed true to one of my New Year's Lifestyle changes (not resolutions) and documented the hunt in my Rite in the Rain Notebook!

 

Heals and Haunts

I mentioned in my previous blog “Baby Brows ‘Bout Time Buck” (http://camocandace.blogspot.com/2014/10/baby-brows-bout-time-buck.html) that I was working on a more ‘poetic’ version of the extreme emotional response to taking this buck…but to understand the highs, the lows must also be felt. In honor of the pure unfiltered bliss and bluster a hunter’s journey travels through I present this…I hope you can relate. 

  

Hunting; a consuming love triangle between me, my mind and the woods where learning how to fail is a staple of the journey.  It is a sickness that heals and haunts me, that brings me to the peak of my being and plunges to the depths of my soul. 

Before reaching a culmination of supreme perfection I press my face against the foundation of rock bottom where the cold, hard reality of heartbreak in the woods exists. Unfortunately this is not truly failure but a necessary moment each must turn and face at some point; however, in my mind and many like it, these are logged as failures long before a retrospective view is forced that ultimately leads to another scratch on the experience tree. There are moments where the bridge is burned solely to force a turnaround to face what you may have been avoiding or failed to see.

There goes my heart falling, falling, falling to the chasm created inside from a mistake, a misstep, or an uncontrollable moment only Mother Nature could create. When it hits, it hurts. It wrenches inside a pain that burns me, crushes confidence, ignites doubts, and envelops every thought. The world stops as a glimmer of self-pity sneaks in and weakness threatens to haunt me. I stagger and stumble through my mind in a cloud of disbelief, ambiguity, and empathy for any affected by this moment. It is a battle; it is hell on my mind, body and soul. Words cannot rectify it, comfort is out of reach and it is my solo internal struggle. Time, determination, dedication, and the inability to deny the fibers of my being will regenerate me and harmony will be restored; even if only briefly to carry on to witness the perfect moment we all seek. Unfortunately the return to heartbreak is nearly inevitable but it is the challenge, the moments, and the indescribable feelings inside that will always bring me back.

 After pure suffering through the dark moments of defeat, there comes a light that will shine brighter than ever before and blind the doubt that existed in my mind. With success comes renewed ambition, promise and confidence that the path I am on is deserved, honest, and merited. A successful shot is followed by a complete adrenaline release, uncontrollable shaking, tears, and a constant replay of the matter at hand. If the reward does not fall within sight all elation is stifled, just barely, by questionable ambivalence teetering on the brink of insanity followed by prayer. My heart is on the line, living in danger. Yes, no, good, bad, what if, please Lord.

But when that moment of confirmation arrives there is nothing, I mean nothing that can contain the passion, intensity and spirit of seeing the animal down. Typically I freeze in disbelief as my heart leaves my body and soars to the Heavens with gratitude and the tears continue to drain all logic from my mind leaving only emotion. It is raw, pure, unfiltered euphoria; a high like no other. As I move to feel the concrete evidence of my success and sustenance, the smile spread across my face can be seen for miles and is broken up with intervals of laughter as enthusiasm continues to exude from my body; in all forms of tears, laughter, dance, and embrace I am there in that moment and nowhere else. It, all of it, has come together. Perseverance, affliction, endless days and nights, Mother Nature, the intellectual warfare, physical complaints, and barraging battles unique to their own, all have collided in that moment and it cannot and will not be taken away…at least until the next meeting with the foundation of rock bottom starts its vicious cycle again.

It heals and it haunts…

June 20, 2014

A nightmarish chaotic week ended on a high note with an escape from the unrest of the daily grind.

 

Even before the hunt as I sat in the truck, windows rolled down, a warm summer breeze swirled through and swept away my troubles.

 

A deep breath and there it was...peace. Perfect peace.

 

It's absolutely amazing what Mother Nature can do for my soul and I take none of it for granted.

 

I am thankful for its solace and inviting spirit that calls me home and washes over my entire body.

 

God is good.

Release

 

 

As I sat in the woods on a Friday night waiting for pigs with my bow, I took out my Rite in the Rain notebook to write down my thoughts. As I picked up the pen I looked at my hand and there of course, ready as always, was my Scott Archery Fox release. There it was staring at me, attempting to hinder my penmanship, screaming at me to either take it off or adapt and write with it still on.

 

With the chance of pigs around I couldn't take my release off so there was only one option. As I looked at it, I was going to win this battle and I maneuvered my hand around with the pen, and the words just poured out. In about 3 minutes there on paper was a simple, yet inspiring piece of my thoughts. Hope you enjoy!

Release
 
 On my hand
 
  Of my troubles
 
   Of the world
 
    In my mind
 
     Becomes my hand
 
      Extension of me
 
       Connected through
 
      Draws the string
 
     Launches the arrow
 
    Frees my soul
 
   Feeds my hunger
 
  More than a tool
 
 Pressure pointed
 
Directed, purposeful Release
 
Peace

Throw Back Thursday - 2nd Grade Story

As I have said before I love to write and it seems to have started at a very early age. The following is a story I wrote in 2nd grade about a mouse that went to a baseball game.  Obviously this is not a blog related to hunting but what is interesting to see is a glimpse into my childhood and areas that seem to be disappearing in many kids childhoods today. The time spent being active and outside is evident including harvesting items from our garden and the creativity and imagination of my young self. Although 'cartoon watching' on TV was part of my childhood it pales in comparison to the time spent playing outside.

 

I hope you enjoy this fun little blog. I am pretty excited to type out some of the many stories I wrote as a kid because the pencil is starting to fade on the 'wide ruled' notebook paper and this is a great way of preserving it. Enjoy and have a little laugh and maybe reminisce a little too! 

 

P.S. The rabbit in the picture is the one in the story and although I don't look especially excited in the picture I thought it would be fun to include it.

 

 

A Mouse That Went to a Baseball Game (April 15, 1992)

Once I met a mouse. I asked him where he was going, and he said he was going to a baseball game but first he is going to the store because he needs tennis shoes. I said I would go with him. He said ok. So we went to Wal-mart and bought him a pair of high tops. So we left Wal-mart and went to the baseball game. 

We bought two root beers and two bags of cotton candy and drank our sodas. The Astros played the Missions and the Astros won the baseball game. The Astros had 24 and the Missions had 15. After the game we went out eat at Pesos. I ate enchiladas and the mouse ate chalupas. We went home and I took a bath so the mouse took a shower. We watched a movie on television and then went to bed.

When we woke up we both are pancakes and drank milk. Today was Sunday and we got our Bibles and went to church. When we came home we jumped on my trampoline. We played crack the egg. It was fun. The mouse wanted to swing on the swings. After we were through swinging we watched cartoons. By the time we were through watching T.V. it was lunch time. So we ate lunch and then we went in my room and played house. The mouse was a baby and I was the mom. We played for 30 minutes. 

So we went outside and picked carrots from the garden. We went to the strawberry patch and picked the strawberries. That was our dessert. After we ate supper we ate carrots and strawberries. We went to bed after supper. The mouse snored the whole night so I didn’t get any sleep. 

The next morning I was tired but I got up anyway. The mouse had two extra tickets to another baseball game. I told him maybe tomorrow. OK said the mouse. I ate cereal for breakfast then I brushed my teeth. The mouse used a tiny little toothbrush. 

The mouse and I went to the park. It was fun! At the park we went across the monkey bars. We had fun at the park. When we went home we got a drink. It was almost lunchtime so we jumped on the trampoline. We jumped until it was lunchtime. I ate a sandwich and the mouse ate pizza. The mouse and I always use a napkin but if we don’t we will get all dirty. 

After lunch we took a nap and watched television. We watched cartoons or Full House. Then we went to see my rabbit and let her out. She jumped around and the mouse asked what her name was. I said Felene. He said it was a pretty name. It was time to eat supper so we put Felene up and ate hot dogs. We even watched a baseball game on television. After we watch the baseball game it was late. So we went to bed. I told the mouse not to snore.

It was Monday and I took the mouse to school and showed it to Mrs. Moore. The mouse said he wanted to go to a baseball game after school. I said OK. So we did math, letters and sounds, writing and language. After that we had games. The mouse said I’m hungry. So we had a snack. School was out so we went home and got the tickets. The mouse drove a tiny mouse car and I drove a convertible. The mouse’s care was a Ford. 

We went to the baseball game. This time we bought a snow cone. I like snow cones. The dodgers were play the Red Sox. The Red Sox won because they had 20 and the Dodgers had 18. It was fun. When we got home we went to bed and I snored so the mouse snored too. The End.